The Porn Trap: The Essential Guide to Overcoming Problems Caused by Pornography

Author:Wendy Maltz & Larry Maltz
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Tags: Substance Abuse & Addictions, General, Self-Help
ISBN: 9780061231872
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2009-12-28T22:00:00+00:00

II

Healing

In the end these things matter most: How well did you love?

How fully did you live?

How deeply did you learn to let go?

—JACK KORNFIELD, BUDDHIST TEACHER

7

Getting Motivated to Quit Porn

Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.

—T HOMAS JEFFERSON

We don’t need to tell you it’s a good idea to quit porn. You’ve probably already considered this yourself.When the negative consequences of porn use begin to outweigh the pleasures, most porn users start wanting out of the trap they’re in. They are tired of lying to others and to themselves, tired of pretending to quit in order to simply pacify someone else, and tired of worrying that they might get caught. When people have a genuine desire to quit using porn they often want something better for themselves, like a deeper relationship with a partner, feelings of personal integrity, and being respected by family and community. They want to take back control of their lives.

The decision to quit porn is a positive, life-affirming milestone in a person’s life. It represents a new level of maturity and self-responsibility. It signals the beginning of a person’s recovery from porn and the gateway to a porn-free lifestyle. Unfortunately, the actual task of quitting porn is not easy to accomplish. As we’ve discussed in earlier chapters, porn is extremely powerful and can quickly pull people into a trancelike state, restrict their thinking, and impair their judgment. Porn habits become a learned way of coping with stress and a familiar way of expressing sexual energy.

When people start out with the intention of no longer using porn they often discover, much to their own dismay, that porn is extremely

difficult to give up. It’s not enough to simply make a promise to stop using porn, throw out a porn stash, or disconnect the Internet service in order to succeed at quitting. In spite of a genuine intention to stop, the desire to continue accessing porn can remain strong. Early attempts at quitting frequently fail.

Dale, a forty-year-old doctor, was shocked at how much trouble he encountered when he first tried to go without porn. “I wanted to stop using porn for the sake of my marriage. I thought it would be easy,” he said. “A few nights after I decided to quit, I got in bed and felt an intense urge to watch porn. I forgot about my commitment and got up to go to the computer to get on the Internet. I stopped halfway down the hall and remembered my decision. After thinking about it for a few minutes I thought, Screw my commitment, and kept walking toward my computer. Then I changed my mind again, turned around, and headed back toward my bedroom. This seesawing went on for a few hours, with me going back and forth from my bed down the hall. I got through that night without using porn, but it was a nightmare. A week later I went back to using it.

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